Transcript of Your Best Next Move: How can leaders ask for help without feeling judged?
Hi everyone, Bobbie LaPorte here again with my weekly tip for your Best Next Move – where I help you have more agency in your work, acknowledge your capacity to act, and see what you can do right now.
It may seem like I’m taking a bit of a U-Turn from my post last week – when I bemoaned people who continually tell you how swamped/overworked/stretched they are. I suggested that they look for solutions – based on the strengths and assets in their team that could be used in broader ways – instead of complaining.
But sometimes that is not enough to achieve our goals. We may need to ask for help. So, how can leaders ask for help without feeling judged?
Let’s rewind a little here. During the pandemic, with all the uncertainty, anxiety, and personal threat surrounding us, we learned the importance of being empathetic – of not judging others and being of help any way we can.
We also learned about the power of being vulnerable; of admitting that we don’t have all the answers and that we need help. Many of us realized the power of showing our teams and others that we needed them.
Back to the current state: now that we are coming out of the pandemic, I am seeing the tendency of leaders to default back to our natural state of wanting people to need us, to come to us for direction.
It is natural to want to be the ones people look up to and turn to for answers; the ones who walk with surety down the hallways; the ones who instill confidence in others.
But we now know that world has disappeared; we no longer have the answers, we can’t even see around the corner to what tomorrow may bring, never mind the next quarter.
The toughest thing for leaders to face in this situation is that they really don’t know what to do, and that’s okay. In fact, research shows employees have more trust for leaders who do ask for help. You don’t need to revert to being “the boss” who has it all under control – once again.
So, here’s my tip:
Look at what’s ahead of you, what you need to accomplish – and objectively ask yourself two questions:
1. what knowledge, experience and skills do you need that you don’t have?
2. Who do you know that has that experience or skillsets – and ask for help
By doing that, three things result:
1. You get relief from feeling unsure and overwhelmed and can focus on what you can do.
2. You are using the skills and talents of others – possibly in a different way or setting – and helping to increase their capacity.
3. You show others that it’s ok to ask for help.
So don’t sit there, worrying and sweating it out. Just ask.
I want 2021 to be a year of momentum for you, one of possibility thinking where you take advantage of the agency we sometimes forget we have.
That’s my tip for this week. I’ll see you next week; take care of yourselves!
Leaders in high-trust workplaces ask for help from colleagues instead of just telling them to do things. My research team has found that this stimulates oxytocin production in others, increasing their trust and cooperation. Asking for help is a sign of a secure leader—one who engages everyone to reach goals. Jim Whitehurst, CEO of open-source software maker Red Hat, has said, “I found that being very open about the things I did not know actually had the opposite effect than I would have thought. It helped me build credibility.” Asking for help is effective because it taps into the natural human impulse to cooperate with others. – Paul J. Zak, “The Neuroscience of Trust,” Harvard Business Review
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